36 x 36: Baby and Trust Descending

Yesterday both baby and I turned 36. Me: years, her: weeks. Fun coincidence. We took her to see The Muppets. It’s never too early to indoctrinate for good taste.

On Monday we had the ultrasound to determine the location of the placenta (still low, but farther than the doc’s 1 cm cut-off for vaginal delivery). On Thursday one of the midwives called us to tell us she’s talked to the doc and our birth plan has changed. Don’t you love it when someone tells you something like this? Not, We should discuss what the doc and I discussed, since you are a big part of the process (understatement). It’s just a done deal: no tub, constant monitoring of the baby, and an IV port. Later in the day we had an office appointment with a different midwife (there are 8 or 9 in all). She told us we could still use the tub or jacuzzi during labor. See, that’s good info that we did not hear in the words “no tub.” What was meant was: no water birth. I told midwife 2 that I’m not attached to the idea of the baby coming out in water; I just didn’t want the option of water as pain relief to disappear because they have stupid protocols. And I sure as hell didn’t want to be told like that. K and I were under the impression, after interviewing the group, that we would be considered partners in the process and that things would be presented to us as options, or at least with more sensitivity than at an OBGYN.

I’m trust-phobic; so when someone (or 8 someones) say and do things that lead to my trust shrinking, I extrapolate and think, How can I trust them with my life?! We tried to explain certain ways we’ve been feeling less than stellar to midwife 2, whom we had liked a lot when we met her a few weeks ago. She just got really defensive and said no one in their practice wants to deny me the best birth possible, and that while we want respect, the midwives need our respect too. Whoa! Where the heck did that come from?! Can a person not give feedback about insensitive communication (such as, You could die if you don’t get this flu shot) anymore? I hate to come down to it, but are we not (gulp) paying customers?

K and I realized we weren’t being heard, so we said the smiley, grateful things to make her feel better and left. I guess the phrase “Don’t shoot the messenger” doesn’t imply that the messenger should take a second to consider the delivery of said message. I’m hormonal. Birth is a huge deal. I just want people to think before they call me to tell me things. Like, maybe someone could have realized we were already scheduled to come in that day, and the “news” could be delivered in a face-to-face conversation, where differences between “no tub” and “no water birth” could be easily distinguished.

Ugh. Anyway.

In more concrete baby news… she seems to be moving down! Even though she’s still playing Happy Feet in my ribs, my lower region seems to be filling with baby, the belly itself seems to have doubled in size, and I can breathe a tiny bit better. Does this mean she’ll be here in just a couple of weeks?

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1 Response to “36 x 36: Baby and Trust Descending”


  1. 1 Mommy December 5, 2011 at 12:30 am

    My answer would be “yep” but I’ve delivered only four babies so don’t quote me. Could be a Chanukah baby which means she’ll only get one gift a year. It’s happened to you.


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