“Tiny” People, Bite Me

“Tiny” people are not small in size. They are the women who, for the past few months, have taken it upon themselves to exclaim, “You’re TINY!” at me without provocation. They have been mothers, mothers-to-be, and never-to-be-mothers alike. They have been people who see and know lots of pregnant people. They have been my least favorite people for a while.

I know it’s cultural and therefore nobody’s “fault” that women feel compelled to comment on other women’s bodies. I guess there’s just something about pregnancy that makes most feel better about doing it to your face than behind your back. Oh, the good old days…

I think they think it’s some kind of compliment because most women like to be told how skinny they are. But I personally found it terrifying to keep hearing over and over how small I appeared and that somehow my baby must be too small and that that meant I already wasn’t being a good mother. I’m not saying I’d prefer women yell at me that I look like a rhinoceros who ate a whale; I’m just saying shut your pie hole.

Now is the time when I get my “revenge.” K and I went in for an ultrasound this morning. Guess the eff what?! Babies at 35 weeks tend to be weigh 5 pounds, and this “tiny” girl is already 6.6 pounds. Hear that, ladies? That extra 1.6 pounds means there’s plenty for each of you (I’d say at least a dozen over that past few months) to take a big bite! Mmm… being wrong tastes good, huh?!

With that tirade out of the way, I can say how much this info made me faint on the table. The baby will be gaining a pound a week from now till delivery. Does anyone see a math problem here? Four weeks at a pound each + 6.6 = 10 and a half pounds!!!! I’ve also been very frank about being okay with her coming at 38 weeks instead of 40 (like I did), and some people have given me stink eye and said, (insert your favorite judgmental tone) “You mean, you want to have your baby early?” Yes, yes I effing do. You go ahead and push out a 10+ pound baby. I’ll take an 8-er, thank you very much.

That brings us to the other bit of info from this morning’s ultrasound. As you may recall, I have had a bit o’ the placenta previa (an obstetric complication in which the placenta is attached to the uterine wall close to or covering the cervix — not great). Where it is now (and where it’ll be on labor day) is 1.4 cm from the cervix. They (the medical establishment) like to see at least a 2 cm distance. This also gave me the faints because, as with most things in life, there’s no clear cut (ouch, the pun!) decision to be made with the info. The doctor this morning said the latest research says it’s still safe to try for a vaginal delivery if the distance is over 1 cm. She would not say that she recommended a C-section. The complication lies in the risk of the placenta separating from the uterus before the baby comes out and a lot of bleeding. It could mean blood transfers and/or an emergency C-section. My scared, tiny self thinks “Why not just get the C-section? It’ll be over in 15 minutes and she’ll come out with an unsquished head.” Yet I know there are a lot of good reasons to do it naturally if possible (I can’t think of ’em right at this moment, but that’s only because my brain is swimming in impossible images, like that of a 10 pound baby head somehow coming out of me).

Oh, life. It’s bigger; it’s bigger than you, and you are not me.

1 Response to ““Tiny” People, Bite Me”

  1. 1 Mommy November 28, 2011 at 11:35 pm

    I’m so very happy to hear that you and your parasite are doing well. Is she still a girl? I guess I am responsible for causing you to have such a healthy sized baby because I named you after Bobby who was only 4′ 11″ and all 3 of her babies were over 9 pounds at delivery.

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