None For Me, Thanks

Good news: I did not get the diagnosis of having gestational diabetes. That’s exactly the way I heard it. Not, “You passed the test! You don’t have gestational diabetes.” But instead, “You did not get the diagnosis.” Why the morbid technical tone? Apparently one of the timed tests came back borderline. So instead of getting to be relieved, I got to be lectured on improving my diet and avoiding simple sugars.

Do you know how it feels to have given up everything delicious (i.e., glutenous, creamy, carbonated, and caffeinated) for several years, only to be told: Do Better! Be Even More Miserable and Diligent! — especially when I don’t drink soda, eat ice cream, or snack on sweets??? To have to chug the most ridiculous amount of flavored, throat searing sugar drink and be told this is the only way to know that I’m healthy enough? Well, it ain’t a nice feeling.

Maybe I should just eat 'em all! That'll show The Man.

And then today I waddled over to the pharmacy to pick up the “prescription” for iron tabs the nurse midwives called in for me to beat this terrible anemia I seem to have suddenly developed. Guess what? These over-the-counter supplements contain 25 mgs of iron, while the ones I’ve already been taking  have 20 mgs. Wow! I’m so glad the medical world is here to test and correct every aspect of this journey! I just know those extra 5 mgs are the missing link between me and a healthy pregnancy.

Sorry for the dump, but I really want to be left alone for a while. I think this might be part of the “nesting” period I learned about in our birth class. A simple, “Let me sit on my egg in peace already! Enough fear mongering. Seriously.” Tell me, ye readers with used wombs, do I have other tests and scares to look forward to in months 8 and 9?

Speaking of our birth class… I get the distinct feeling that I’m being set up. We’re being given all these “tools” to use to have the most successful labor and birth possible, and even while I’m listening and nodding I feel all the information draining right out of my head. “Holy crap, this is a lot of pain! Oh, wait. There was something I was told to try to deal with this… what the eff was that?!” Yeah, I’m sure it’s just gonna all come right back to me in the moment.

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2 Responses to “None For Me, Thanks”


  1. 1 Nuclear Mama October 21, 2011 at 4:50 pm

    Oh, did you think you were the keeper of the birthing toolbox? Yeah, that would be me, our doula, and our midwife. When us support people offer you a tool, hopefully the birth class helps you avoid a thought process akin to: “I’ve never seen that tool in my life! What the *#@k am I supposed to do with that?!” Of course, thanks to our birthing class we know that weird clinical studies have shown that cursing relieves labor pains. So maybe keep the swear in the air.


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