What You Don’t Know

…may not kill you, but it can sure hurt a lot! Here’s a list of things nobody told me I’d possibly experience when pregnant. They are none of them game changers; however, a heads up would’ve been nice:

  • extreme nausea can persist past the first trimester and mild nausea can persist throughout the entire show
  • despite what the internet says, round ligament pain can last much longer than a twinge
  • I need at least 5 pillows of various sizes just to rest on the couch
  • sleep only happens in the minutes between trips to pee
  • I have on more than one occasion found myself eating a protein bar while on the toilet, unconscious, in the middle of the night
  • my belly shrinks and softens overnight so it appears I am less pregnant each morning
  • ribs expand; they seriously move apart and it’s freaky and it hurts
  • belching becomes the new breathing
  • my brain has lost a significant amount of memories and verbal accuracy (i.e., Honey, can you get the thing from the thing and put it on the thing?)
  • nasal congestion and postnasal drip to rival the worst of hay fevers
  • proliferation of brown age spots
  • clumsiness and spilling (on my clothes, which I do not see until many hours later)
  • a baby can choose to hang out on just one side of the abdomen for weeks
  • nightmares abound: last night, for example, she had the umbilical cord wrapped around all her appendages
  • volume sensitivity
  • hormone persistence (I thought once we were done shooting me up with stuff to get pregnant that I would be done with the random crying and night sweats)

Mind you this list only covers the first 6 months.


9 Responses to “What You Don’t Know”

  1. 1 Mommy September 7, 2011 at 10:19 pm

    There is a condition called “pre-pregnancy deafness.” It happens when the woman who wants to have a baby is told (even warned) about most of those conditions taking place at some time during pregnancy believes that it can’t possibly be that uncomfortable since women (many of them who are smarty than the average bear) continue to get pregnant over and over again.

  2. 3 E and C September 8, 2011 at 4:39 am

    Malka, I hope that you have moments of painless, nausealess joy. Ours are when I read your posts out loud to Ericka and we laugh so hard. Sorry, Its not our fault that you make your own difficulties so hilarious. We certainly love you, all 3 of you and wish you much happiness.

    • 4 mamawannabe September 8, 2011 at 4:53 am

      It would be impossible for me to blog about my life of I didn’t have the image of you two laughing at me as inspiration. Miss you lots.

  3. 5 berthold18 September 8, 2011 at 6:00 am

    Until now I never understood the blessing in the morning service …”Blessed be you o Lord who has not made me a woman”. Reading you blog i now understand……..LOL………..



  4. 6 jawpliz September 9, 2011 at 2:50 pm

    Oh Malkie! It’s just the beginning of the next 18 years of joy! Lots of that stuff hasn’t cleared up for me yet (but its only been 4 years). It’s much easier to ignore when a little life is depending on you for survival 24/7.

  5. 7 Ginny September 10, 2011 at 3:41 am

    I’m very happy for you two, Malka!

  6. 8 Becky Peterson September 14, 2011 at 4:11 pm

    Thank you Malka! I really wish someone had given me some sort of warning about the nausea–it’s insane. Every day some new weird thing happens to my body. The ligaments! The belching! The congestion!

    Becky (now 13 weeks along)

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