So Close

It’s been a while since I’ve posted, mostly because I’ve been feeling so deathly. I heard about morning sickness, but I never imagined it to be so overwhelming, so long lasting. I have become an agoraphobe with an eating disorder. Seriously, I do not leave the house for fear of feeling sick in public and I cannot deal with food. If I know I have to eat something, I start to panic. People say this will end in a couple weeks, but since I don’t understand the hormones and the process, I don’t get why it would. I’m at 11 weeks 4 days, and I don’t feel well at all. I banked my entire summer fun on this being over by the end of the first trimester. Now I fear that when my family comes to visit next month, I’ll spend the whole visit moaning and crying and begging for relief.

I’ve been getting an earful of the saying/proverb/old wive’s tale that as rough as the sickness is, so is the good health of the baby. I want to care that this could be true. I want to be happy about how far we’ve come. But I’m a miserable sack of pathetic.

We had our appointment for genetics testing (i.e., Down Syndrome check) made for next week. But neither of us felt good about going through with it, so we canceled. K did some research, and apparently these 12-week tests often give false positives that would just stress us out for the rest of the pregnancy. We know we will not abort this baby, so why go through that? We’ve heard from friends and family who have been glad they did the tests because of the relief they got. But what if they’d gotten false positives? These tests only give you percentages of the chance anyway. Where’s the relief in that? Maybe we’re letting our fear of fear make this decision. Maybe we’re being naive. But am I missing something? Is getting an inaccurate likelihood going to change anything? And what if I was still 34? Would we be magically spared from this decision?

On a lighter note… we’ve started referring to the fetus as Baby Mochi because when I can eat, all I seem to get in is rice or rice-based. It’s also about the right size. Would it be the worst thing in the world if the baby was a delicious rice dumpling with ice cream in the middle?


2 Responses to “So Close”

  1. 1 Mel June 13, 2011 at 8:39 pm

    We did not do that test either. Don’t stress it! There are lots of things out there that can change your life in an unexpected moment, not just this genetically-testable one. I know you know about said moments.

  2. 2 Jill June 15, 2011 at 4:32 pm

    I had a false positive for downs during my pregnancy with Chase, and all it did was make me worry. It is a pointless test anyways. They will check for genetic markers during the 2nd trimester ultrasound.

    Glad you found something you are able to eat.

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