Is This Thing On?

Yesterday we got the go-ahead. Last week’s ultrasound showed a large follicle that this week’s ultrasound showed flattened like a heavily suppressed pancake.

K injected me nightly for the four days preceding, while I continued taking the birth control pills. My breasts grew so large that I can now imagine what they will look like when I’m pregnant/breastfeeding. Man, that’s some extra weight! There were some emotional times, but my guess is these were merely appetizers to what we’re going to see this coming week.

Me in my one-woman show "IVF: You Won't Like Me When I'm Angry"

I realized yesterday that I have been an uber control freak lately. I’ve been hyper about how the house looks and, worst of all, how and when K helps me make things just like I want them. I’ve been on her like Capt. Lewis on Pvt. Benjamin. As we talked about it, it hit me… I’m so out of control over my body and this fucking process that I’m trying desperately to control whatever I can (or can’t and shouldn’t). Even though this makes total sense, the awareness came with a shock.

Saturday begins our morning shot of follistim and evening shot of menipur routine, with the occasional ultrasound to monitor the development of the many eggs. I got a little bruised from the suppression shots, so we’ll see if my belly looks like a blueberry muffin by the time this part is through. My biggest worry (okay, not my biggest — I think we all know what that is) is that I am a huge asshole to K with all the crazy hormones making me crazy(ier?). She says she’s ready for what I throw at her, but I felt so awful on the chlomid last month that I wonder if this next batch of injections will finally turn me into the big, green, muscled monster I feel like sometimes.

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