Shock & Awe

Thus I am renaming these 10 days between Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur (for you non-Jewy folk: this period is otherwise called “The Days of Awe”).

For the sake of a highly incongruous analogy, let’s say I’m Fallujah. And let’s say that the U.S. in this scenario is medical knowledge. The bombs? Well, first I got hit with an x-ray report announcing the early arrival of osteoarthritis (I’ve always been very advanced for my age). After that came the blitz of most-likely-fibromyalgia and probably-endometriosis. The latter blasted with a particularly large aftershock because of the following: 1) the only way to confirm its presence is through exploratory surgery and 2) that surgery is only done laparoscopically. So? So, a few years ago I had a laparoscopic appendectomy that left me with two infected wound sites and five weeks on my back. K had to keep the sites open and constantly change out the oozy green packing (sorry!) to the sound of my moans and whimpering. My mom even had to fly out to help. I don’t like the idea of going back in the same way. The final but less dramatic assault has come via ersatz diplomatic efforts. In order to lessen a crazy wicked pain I’ve been getting in my left temple for months, I decided to try contact lenses (imagining my glasses have been adding pressure to an inflamed area). And wouldn’t you know it? I can’t see a word I’m typing right now! (It’s a really good thing I trust my typing skills and the dotted red spell-check line.)

This brings us to today, the day before Yom Kippur begins. Fellujah has been bombed into submission. I yield to the higher power. You wanna cut me? Cut me. You want me to see a rheumatologist? Sign me up. Whatever you do, please don’t invade and occupy.


6 Responses to “Shock & Awe”

  1. 1 Kristy September 16, 2010 at 9:40 pm

    Do my LMT credentials mean nothing to you? You totally excluded my diagnosis of formositis from your post (that, of course, is Latin for “inflamed attractiveness”).

    I’m on board for whatever comes our way, before, after, and including a baby, and medical knowledge is no match for us…after all, amor vincit omnia. (Since you can’t even read this with your contacts, this is kind of a lot of sweet talk for your readers to wade through.)

    BTW, this one will probably come in handy for your job:
    Abutebaris modo subjunctivo denuo – You’ve been misusing the subjunctive again

  2. 2 Bert September 16, 2010 at 9:54 pm

    Malka’s Child

    your child yearns to be born
    calling to you through the DNAges
    it is waiting
    often patient
    at times impatient
    it already calls you mother
    you pray for arrival
    it prays for departure
    this child could be Messiah
    Satan is threatened
    but the more obstacles He invents
    to deflect you from your quest
    the more stubborn you will be
    He does not understand
    the steel in your soul
    inherited from Sarah
    and Rebecca
    and Rachel
    and Hannah


  3. 4 melissa September 18, 2010 at 1:01 am

    Oh, hang in there! This process is bringing up all kinds of unexpected things for you, but we just have to trust that we are exactly where we need to be. As a brain surgery survivor, I get more credibility on these things 🙂 Listen to your favorite music, snuggle your girl, and trust the process. And this concludes my words of wisdom.

  4. 5 Julie September 21, 2010 at 4:47 pm

    Dearest Malka,

    You will get through this because you are so strong, and super duper funny, and thoughtful and smart, and adorable, and a great friend, and writer, and wife, and person in the world, and you have all of those resources. You will get through all of this medical stuff and that baby that will come to you will, I am 100% sure of this because *everyone* says it’s true — the wisest people I know, will be the exact right baby at the exact right time.

    Thinking of you.

    Love to you and your impressively multi-lingual wife.


    • 6 malkageffen September 21, 2010 at 4:54 pm

      Wow! I think you’d better move into my mirror (or my head, but I think that might be a bit scarier). I love you and your incredible support!

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