The Value of Hope

Hope is a topic my mother and I have been discussing lately. Maybe hope is not the right word exactly; maybe it’s positive thinking (or wishful thinking).

For a week I have been experiencing premenstrual cramping and (you gotta love it) facial out-breakage. There’s also been an increase in mood. I know from doing this 7 times that these signs mean my period is coming and that there ain’t no baby. My mom encouraged me not to conclude anything about no-baby until I actually bleed. I see her point. I do. It’s just that holding out “hope” (and rubbing on the progesterone cream every night) once I know deep, deep inside me where things are headed is almost more damning than the barrenness itself. (By the way, using the word barren just then is an example of anti-hope that my mom discourages.)

So you tell me, lovely followers of my blog (soon to be comment makers, I hope), how does hope play into your experience with trying to conceive?

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8 Responses to “The Value of Hope”


  1. 1 Julie August 27, 2010 at 5:38 pm

    Ay, I’m sorry you feel your period coming again … that’s so hard! Hope was more helpful for me as a long-haul thing — this will happen somehow … I am moving toward making a family, then as a short-term thing (i.e. “this is the month, this is the month!”). That kind of short term “hope” or expectation drove me crazy … I just tried to think of each month as practice/possibility and moving me closer toward having a family, but I was still BUMMED if it didn’t turn out to be that month. Love you!

  2. 2 Mommy August 27, 2010 at 6:44 pm

    I love you. Worry and fear are feelings that bring us down and don’t let us enjoy the present. So what is the down side of feeling hopeful? It is looking at the future with joy. The future is ANYTIME after “now.” Allow the possibility for what you want. If not “now” “then.”

  3. 3 your charlie August 28, 2010 at 5:44 am

    To me, hope is not too far off from inspiration. When I am inspired by my dream of what the future will bring, I have a strong sense of hope and possibility. A part of this opening to possibility is having faith that we will be helped along whenever we’re on a path we’re meant to take. There are things in our life that we work hard to bring to fruition, but no matter how much dedication we’ve put into making our vision a reality, there’s always some element of fortune or fate or divinity that plays a role. I sense that in the way the part-time job I took when we moved here allowed me to grow into an abundant career and amazing community/family, and in the vague but compelling way we were drawn to this city, and in the way we decided to go to school at the same time and place and take that same course during the same semester. (Or to teach that course and lure innocent, unsuspecting young undergrads into the sinister lair of lesbian vampirism and abnormally long arms, if that’s more your style.)

  4. 5 John McAndrew August 28, 2010 at 6:14 am

    Well, it’s just me, but I hope I don’t conceive with anyone, and it hasn’t happened yet.

    Hope has to be reality-based or it’s merely self delusion and wishful thinking. Is there anyone who knows your body better than you? No. Not even your loving mother who is pulling for you. Hoping that you are pregnant when, for the laast seven rounds you know this stage to be the precursor to having your period, seems desperate. Hope that leads to desperation is more likely to be self delusion, or religion, maybe.

    Obviously you are hopeful: you keep trying. You have not given up, and you are disciplined in your attempts to monitor your own body in such a way as to give you a shot at getting pregnant. That’s good hope: when it tells you that, though you can’t yet see it, there may be hope at the end of the tunnel, and so you keep moving forward, paying attention to the details. Hope is believing the best in the face of a lack of evidence. Once evidence shows up, especially evidence with which you have familiarity, holding onto hope keeps you from moving forward to the next real opportunity.

    • 6 malkageffen August 29, 2010 at 5:20 am

      I think you’re a very smart man, John. Did I mention good looking?
      I tend to think people are smart and good looking when I agree with them.
      My hope does lie in the fact that I will try again next month (and the next, etc.).
      I just don’t have the spark my lovely wife has which she aptly referred to as “faith.” I’m afraid of it. It gives up too much control. I think it’s part of why I’m no good at being religious.
      I will continue with my scientific methods, but I will also try not to get too caught up in my projections based on experience because I can see how that reeks of negativity and can annoy the very hopeful and faithful people close to me.

  5. 7 Tonya August 29, 2010 at 4:09 pm

    It’s not hope, it’s creative energy. Essentially if you give your body the message you’ve given up, it too will give up. Your body relates to the subconscious mind. It’s reptilian, animalistic, and very three-year-old child-ish. It has urges and listens when you tell it something (even when it’s not in your “best” interest). If you believe you can create an environment conducive to creating a new life and hold to that regardless of what “facts” or “truths” you throw up as roadblocks, your body will start to believe it also. I love you. – T

  6. 8 malkageffen September 7, 2010 at 4:25 am

    Thanks, T. Love ya back.


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