The Iceman Cometh

Sorry, but sometimes I can’t help myself with these post titles.

The Fed Ex guy just left. When I saw the truck pull up, I quickly rushed the pooch upstairs (her favorite treat after cat is Fed Ex leg). I opened the door to see him holding a flat envelope. “Why, that’s not sperm,” I thought to myself. I hesitated only a second before blurting: “That’s not what I was expecting! It was supposed to be a tank!” (Turned out the envelope was for K.)

Luckily, he went back to the truck and returned with the bestickered penis head pictured here (are all bio tanks shaped like this, or am I just lucky?). I hope our baby won’t be born with “Medical Specimen” or “Perishable” stuck on its body.

Welcome to the family!

If only life’s little hiccups were all as simple as a second trip to and from the Fed Ex truck…

Last night (all night), I experienced what could only be described as ovarian-cyst-popping pain that continued until the massive pain killer dosage kicked in this morning. Because we are so close to ovulation, we thought to call our PCP. She and our naturopath (who will be doing the insemination) both thought I should get an ultrasound to see if my ovary decided this would be a fun time to f@ck with me. I couldn’t get in for the ultrasound today, of course, so we’re going in early tomorrow morning (wonder who won’t be sleeping again tonight?).

Now my ovulation predictor is saying I’m very close to surging; mama universe wouldn’t want me to have an actual window of stress-free time in which to make a calm decision. If I have a cyst and things don’t look cozy in there, we’ll have to put off the insemination (yet again). The fun at that point will be figuring out what to do with the overpriced popsicle that just arrived.

I’m hoping it’s just middleschmertz (isn’t German great? it’s not as gross as it sounds), but wow, that was a lot o’ pain for just the ‘schmertz!

Best case scenario is that I pee on a stick tomorrow morning before we leave for the lab and see a big ol’ red line, and then we’ll have a zippy-quick ultrasound that will say everything’s a-okay, after which we’ll drive fast to the clinic and get this tundrafied sperm in me.

Worst case scenario is I don’t even want to talk about it.

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3 Responses to “The Iceman Cometh”


  1. 1 Julie April 14, 2010 at 11:58 pm

    Very much hoping for the best!

    Just wait until you have to return it. The month I got frozen from TSBC I brought it back to FedEx which is now FedEx/Kinko’s. It was hoppin in there and at least five people were like, “What’s that?” “What kind of medical specimen do you have there?” “Is that a kidney or something?” As my friend Diane pointed out, pretty much regardless of what was in the giant container marked with words like “human specimen,” questions from strangers … probably not so appropriate.

    Oh, you two, you will absolutely get the right baby for you at the right time. I’ll be thinking good thoughts.

    • 2 malkageffen April 15, 2010 at 12:07 am

      Hey J!
      We’ve been trying to get a hold of you.
      I was worried that the dropping off Fed Exer was going to ask what was inside, but luckily he was too consumed with talking about all the dandelions in our yard. Yeah, ’cause I need to feel bad about how my lawn looks on top of everything.
      Thanks for all the continued encouragement. Love you!!

  2. 3 vicki April 15, 2010 at 12:38 am

    What a day with the Fed Ex man.
    What a dainty tank you have there, Malka and Kristy.:)
    I am praying and hoping for the very best as your journey to having just the right miracle baby continues.
    Love you both,
    Vicki


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